Hi.. I’m a dude – in my mid-twenties, and I have a problem holding on to friends. I’ll start off by saying that I’ve never had a definitive best friend. I’ve had close friends – that I pretty much cycled. I’d usually have a good friend for a couple years, and then overnight we would become acquaintances that talk once a year or never. A few of the classic friend A stabs friend B in the back scenarios play out, and a few were because of a marriage and/or moving away.

My problem area is that I’ve also cut several friends loose. I write people off – I judge people. I know that people are imperfect, and do horrible things. In fact, if everyone around me knew everything I’ve done – I’d only have my family left. For some reason though, I grow disenchanted with people – mostly because of lies. I have a sharp memory, and that’s what gets people in trouble. Too many contradictions, too many fibs, too much dishonesty – really. There are certain things I won’t tell my friends, period – but for the most part – I do not lie about who I am, where I’ve been, what I did, or how I feel. I only withhold information, which I think is necessary. Since we’re talking about liars – here is the mother lode – I lost a friend of 8 years when he pawned his wife’s wedding ring to finance (off the books) an abortion for a slip-up w/ his mistress, and told his wife ($ controller) that I took the ring.

As for the ones that weren’t total liars, a number of other things have happened. I’ll share a few about the closer friends I’ve had. By “closer” friends I mean that I saw these ppl several times each week. From 02-04, I rekindled a friendship with a childhood friend. Ultimately stopped hanging out because he became a raging alcoholic and didn’t understand why I didn’t wanna get smashed every night. Also he HAD to drive if he was drunk. I was a “sissy” because I would not get in the car with him. Whatever – gone. The “help” route never works with alcoholics. Just ask anyone who has an alcoholic in their family.

I gave up a close friend of 6 years sometime in 05-06 when I found out that he had raped his sister when he was 13. I had a good friend from 06-08. I was close to both he and his live-in girlfriend. I had no qualms other than the fact that they did not parent their child. In fact – it was quite difficult to be around most of the time. As their child grew (withholding name/sex to preserve anonymity) he/she acted more and more outwardly. There is no bed time either – so the kid did not go to bed as long as there was company. Finally, I just stopped going over there. Still can’t bring myself to do it. I stopped having fun.

I am back and forth about a friend who literally handed over his rights as a man to his wife – we never get to do anything together as a result. I am also back and forth about another friend who treats his wife like dog****. So that’s where I’m at. I am closer to my co-workers at this point in time than I am to my friends. I typed this out because I wanted to, I haven’t really put it all in one place before. I would also like to have my feelings/decisions validated – and if you think I’m a schmuck for giving up on ppl too easy – let me know.

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